Conversation Hearts Kinds Of Crazy
by Miss Meggie
Summary: Eliot muses on all the differenttypes of crazy Parker is. Written the LJ Leverage Secret Santa Giftee Kaitlia 777


Eliot wonders if the rest of them are aware of all the different types of crazy Parker is.

Sometimes the crazy is just plain weird.

Eliot is cleaning the kitchen when Parker comes in, hoisting herself up on the counter he had just cleaned. He fought the urge to sigh. If Parker dared to enter his kitchen after a certain soufflé disaster, she must have an important reason.

"You need something Parker?" Reaching out, he tips her chin up ,forcing her to look at him. Stopping her from doing that thing where her eyes dart all over the room.

"I know you always say there is something wrong with me and you might be right in fact you probably are but-"

"Parker, you do know I'm just teasin' you when I say that now, don't you?"

"Oh yeah…I just you know Hardison and I … we… are whatever we are and Valentine's day is coming up and I want to get it right."

Eliot smiles "Couldn't you ask Sophie for help?"

"I could but she'd try to make it all romantic and meaningful and weird."

Eliot nods. "Okay." And that's how he ended up standing in a Hallmark store with Parker.

"Okay so what are we going for here? Cute? Jokey?"

"I don't know, hey are the Santa Claus saint and the little baby archer related to another?"

"That's Cupid not Saint Valentine and for the last damn time Santa Claus isn't a saint."

She picked up a pink beanie baby bear that had red inside the ears and on the bottoms of its feet.

"He's cute…so many choices." Parker said.

"It's a commercial holiday Parker designed to bilk money from poor romantic saps."

"Does someone not have a valentine?" She teased.

"On the contrary I have the same one every year my six-year old niece Kayln was born. I send her a box of chocolates and she sends me macaroni necklaces or some other kiddy craft. Now focus. What do you want to say with your gift?"

"Do they make cards that say 'Thanks, for being my pretzel'?" Eliot cut his eyes at her, sure that the thought bubble above his head was shouting that there was something wrong with her. Please don't let that be sexual innuendo.

He chewed the inside of his cheek. "Come with me." He walked over to the recordable cards, picking up a red one. He pushed the record button and held it up to her. "Say something."

She took a deep breath and thought a moment. "Eliot has pretty man hair."

He shot her an angry glare.

"What? You do."

Just for that, he made her buy the card, not pinch it.

-/-

Next, they went to a candy shop where Parker bought a couple of rather large chocolate covered pretzels.

"Well even I know you buy gifts not steal them, Eliot," she said as she handed a perplexed looking cashier the money required.

Before he could formulate his usual grumbly response, she picked up a box of conversation hearts and he had a brief flash of being six and reading one to his mother.

"What's a cut-ee pie, Mama?"

"Not cut-ee pie silly cutie pie." She ran a finger tip down his nose "And that's you."

When Eliot finally shook himself out of his reverie, Parker's holding up the box. "What are these?"

"Conversation hearts. They taste like chalk; don't buy them.

Later as they continued down the street purchases in hand, Parker came out with another of her bizarre pronouncements.

"I want an Oompa Loompa for Christmas." She told him like it's a normal everyday run of the mill request.

He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk because sometimes she just put him on weird overload. "Do what?"

"Well the candy store made me think of it, but I watched Willy Wonka yesterday and despite the slight pedophile vibe Willy gives off, I want one of those little green haired gnome things."

"They aren't real, Parker."

"Oh." She seemed momentarily sad but then took out the card and started recording herself saying 'I love money' in a maniacal voice.

All Eliot could do was shake his head and keep walking.

-/-

He helped Hardison lug an antique safe into Parker's warehouse home and came home to find a half-eaten box of conversation hearts lying on his kitchen island, Post-It note attached.

"You were right they really do taste like chalk! So gross, Happy Valentines Day-P."

Weird ass woman, he thought.

She didn't say anything to him, but he knew she found the beanie baby bear he bought for her. He saw its little pink and red feet sticking out of her gear bag.

-/-

Sometimes the crazy is so tender and broken he doesn't know what to make of it or how to help her fix it.

Something wakes him up. He's not sure what it is, but he opens his eyes to find Parker perched on the end of his bed like a small blonde bird.

"Parker." His voice is gravelly from sleep but lacks anger.

"Go back to sleep., I'm just watching you."

"I can see that. Why?" He finds himself opening his arms and she crawls to his side.

"Sorry I hit you with the crow bar and for that car hitting you."

"S'okay comes with the job. Just try warning me before letting it fly next time." He feels himself drifting back to sleep.

"I'll wake you up in three hours, is it alright if I play with your hair?"

"Hmm." is his only assent. He sees the moonlight glint off the silver ring on her index finger as his eyes drift closed.

-/-

They were working in a hospital on a job dealing with a black market baby broker. He found her standing in front of the nursery window. He stood next to her, taking in the perplexed look on her face.

"You ever want one?" he asked, jamming his hands in his front pockets and rocking back on his heels.

She cocked her head at him, brow furrowing "No one has ever thought to ask me that. I think, I'd like to have a kid, to have family that would never leave, but I'm not sure how much my differentness would override maternal instinct."

"You'd do better than you think."

"What about you?"

"Before…everything, I'd of liked to have one or two with Aimee, but now I know I'm better suited as the uncle."

Parker looked into the windows so longingly, he knew she really wanted to hold one of the babies and he 'was tempted to use his Dr. Abernathy credentials and tap on the glass to tell a nurse to bring him some random baby, but then he thought about having talk her out of trying to steal the poor child. . So instead, he said "Come on, Nurse White, we're done for the day. Let's head home."

-/-

It's the wrap up day for the baby job and, not surprisingly, they can't find Parker but he knows where she'll be. He ignores Hardison's sharp look and heads off to get her.

She's not near the nursery windows. He stops and asks a pretty red headed nurse.

"Have you seen Nurse White?"

"Oh yes, he's in the NICU, saying good bye to Charlotte, lovely little baby its really sad what she'll go through and what those Cromwell people did."

"Yes, I know. Thanks, darlin'"

When he reaches the NICU and scrubs up, he can see Parker on the opposite end of the U-shaped room, leaning over the isolette of the heroin-addicted orphaned baby girl Charlotte, whom Calvin Cromwell had intended to literally sell to the highest bidder. Just the thought makes his stomach turn. Eliot walks closer and can hear what Parker is saying as she strokes the tiny girl's forehead.

"Hey sweetie, I have to go but I made sure you got a real good family to go to. The kinda that will feed you and keep you warm and love you but I thought I'd give you someone to love and love you to be doubly sure. I have Bunny and he's my best friend so I thought you'd like this little guy."

She pulls the Valentine's bear Eliot'd given her from her pocket. "Someone who really likes to protect people gave him to me. Hopefully Mister Bear will protect you… you take care and be good. I'll check in on you from time to time too."

Watching Parker in this moment, he realizes that sometimes her crazy isn't all that crazy; it's just perfect and sweet.

She looks up at him. "I know we gotta go. Don't get all Mister Grumpy Pants on me.

He grunts "Come on before you blow our cover!"

And sometimes Eliot thinks the crazy is just annoying.


End file.
